weddings part II

Wouldn’t recognise ?? – Wedding watch

“tin eh?” is the usual greeting of a morning by the usual market stall holders at the usual time buying my usual veggies …. Its common greeting asking if buying something

giggles, pointing and whispering is not usual. Likewise admiring looks from sellers certainly not usual

hmmmm, think about it, I tell myself. Is my skirt caught up in my knickers? Hmmmm definitely giggles and more pointing. I can see info being passed along the line of stall holders, squatting behind their baskets of goodies. Maybe its not about me. I try to casually look behind me; impossible in the congo line that forms in the narrow space between the floor level baskets of goodies.

Finally feeding my curiosity, the older male stallholder who has been friendly from day one (and thus receives regular buying from me) tells me that last night they saw me and that I was very very beautiful. He tells me all the women say so.

I am so surprised! I want to ask, but not, “How did they see me? Were they at the wedding I went to?” Can I ask them who say me? I am flustered so all is say is thanks and that yes I had fun last night. Many people from my office went to the wedding I say. “We know” they say in a way that leaves no doubt they know all and everything

If I had been looking for them, would I have recognized them at the wedding? They crouch behind wares and I never seeing from any other angle other than the giantess reaching from the momentarily halted congo line of purchasers, for my own supply of limes, capsicum, carrots etc. Was it at the wedding they saw me, or maybe someone at the hotel where I met up with 3 other expat women to scooter over to the wedding space? Or maybe they were along the street somewhere and just saw us from afar on our motos doing that delicate scootering in all our finery?

No I think some were at the wedding. Pity I didn’t even try to see who I knew in all the crowds of people. Except work colleagues and ex-work colleagues from previous organisation, I not look out for others I might know

cutest traffic wardens

Traffic hazard warnings

Nah don’t need them! Instead use the kids of that street …..

A wedding of Sal and her Aust long term partner took place last week and their road is considered one of the worst roads in town. Really big ruts and soft red dust piled high that slips and slides in the dry and of course becomes treacherous in the wet season

Anyway with the road works as roads are getting sealed, (see for more on road works: http://joanna.electronicway.com.au/index.php?cat=32) their road is ignored. I assume the road is designated anti-govt and thus the govt won’t spend on an opposition party’s road. That is all guesswork

Anyway back to weddings and traffic hazards. Leaving my place after pre-wedding sunset drinks with a friend, I am warned at dusk to mind the huge hole in the road that is not marked. Well when we get to the corner I see the entire road has been cut up for large pipes to be laid across the road. But for now the ditch is the entire width of road and really deep. At least metre and half, maybe more. Lots of laughs while on our motos negotiating the hazard, as we wonder if any drunk wedding guests will end up in that enormous obstacle, in a few hours’ time. No street lights here to guide us!

But when I left at 9.30pm the cutest traffic wardens ever were available. The little waif kids waving me down and calling out for me to be careful. One tiny little girl, up to my knee in height, carefully waves me to the far edge where there is space to maneuver the bike. I tell her, jokingly, I am ever so scared and she giggles and said no, no, that I can do it. So I tell that only cos she is there, doing this important task is it possible for me to use the moto (had a few beers by now of course so we always far more humorous and chatty aren’t we?). She says no problem as she very happy to help everyone cos “the road have very big problem and not good now.”

“It does indeed”, I say to the tiny helper as I scooter on home

Cambodia wedding invites

Khmer style printed wedding invites are absolutely normal. The system is that the envelope that the card comes in, is used to place your money gift in it. At the wedding you leave the envelope and money with someone who sits by the door as you leave.
The red diamond print below is the really traditional colours and the two almost kissing is the ubiquitous image. It was only to this wedding season (dry season Oct - April is time to marry) that I ever saw any colours or styles different to the mostly red print. Check out the pretty pink that is very modern!


Envelopes look like this:

Gingerbread men

"you know, statistically speaking, at least one of these gingerbread men are gay" is great kitchen chat for kids

Weddings - Khmer style and Joanna wowserish....

Weddings – what they are to me

A horribly sad amalgam of western traditions such as tiered wedding cake and champagne, with local traditions such as throwing delicate jasmine flowers bud over someone for luck. It all ends up looking out of place. However an optimist would see it as new beginnings for people who want it all. I see it as ugly and rather sad.

Women are in their finery of frilly, fussy meringue style ball gowns. Unfortunately they are ill fitting and worn so tight they rarely are flattering as individuals but the over all beading, silks, colours, mix of modern and traditional styles and the women themselves combine to be breath-takingly beautiful. In comparison men are in plain cotton shirts and often collars are frayed, with non-matching sad old serge trousers having seen better days. Wedding season is dry season Oct-May and the best (only?) way for young people to play and meet people; think of the discos of a 70’s/80s teenage period but with many Cambodian parents as chaperones!

In Cambodia the wedding attended by partygoers is actually the end of the all rituals and the couple have technically been married a few days by now. The day has been full of rituals and then at 5.30pm guests are invited. People dine and then its quite okay and acceptable to leave immediately. Strict registers are kept, of cash amounts given by guests and in return, a meal and music is provided.

For those who want to, meals can be timed to be a little later, say 7pm and then stay on for the couple to appear near the eating area. They walk to the centre and do a number of western style rituals such as toast each other however also bow heads while a Buddhist piece of music is played. The tiered cake is cut and photos taken. The quality and aesthetics of the cake seem to be irrelevant; it’s the having the western style cake they see on a movie that seems to be significant.

Meanwhile the couple look exhausted and fragile and incredibly uncomfortable. One or both will have thick white make-up (this is the Asian continent aspiring to be white skinned) and be flanked by family representatives looking equally unhappy. Even a first dance tradition has now been added to the event with then everyone joining them on the dance floor at a suitable moment; the dance is a traditional Khmer style slow step with no touching of a partner

Its all over by 8ish and then some more ‘pop’ style music is played. Drinkers stay to drink. Dancers dance. 80% of people all leave. 9pm is late for a typical wedding departure.

All the fuss and bother and drinking crammed into a few hours and lots of money spent on a ceremony that is either a proud modern Cambodia taking its place in the world or a sad aspect of losing local culture and aspiring to status from rituals beyond their own capacity to pay.

I feel so “bah humbug” as I wrote in negative way. I not a scrooge (mostly!) and yet these weddings get me going with complaints! I just want to scrub out the English words on that wedding cake and demand that some sort of Khmer food ritual is used instead of a poor imitation of a western wedding cake.

If not yet seen photos of me in Khmer wedding outfit of bows and pink curls see:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=1371&l=e494c&id=1071994594

beads, silk = GENDER

Trying to not stare but there was a young man stooping over beautiful beadwork on a bodice of a silk dress. He was sewing the tiniest beards into a design that was drawn onto the silk. There were 2 other women in the timber hut at sewing machines. He greeted me but then a woman came over to speak with me about my new cotton casual trousers I wanted made. He continued to sew beads. I tried not to stare!

It raises a number of gender role questions

Is he just filling in for the day cos his sister or wife is ill and they have a rush order? Or is he a kindly manager helping out just once?

I think not due to his complete familiarity in his space and with his nimble finger work. He looked like a young man very used to and happy with his employment.

And I wish him well in this role of his. He is simply sewing beads. For me it’s an indicator of flexibility and personal individual choices that might be opening up. Wonder if he can also repair a moto like all men are fully expected to be able to do?

Gender roles are very strict in Cambodia, with any child who gets an education even taught 'law of men' and 'law of women' prescribing specific gender roles; the expected women as baby-makers and masculine men in narrow role of strong, uncaring and uncreative