Weddings – what they are to me
A horribly sad amalgam of western traditions such as tiered wedding cake and champagne, with local traditions such as throwing delicate jasmine flowers bud over someone for luck. It all ends up looking out of place. However an optimist would see it as new beginnings for people who want it all. I see it as ugly and rather sad.
Women are in their finery of frilly, fussy meringue style ball gowns. Unfortunately they are ill fitting and worn so tight they rarely are flattering as individuals but the over all beading, silks, colours, mix of modern and traditional styles and the women themselves combine to be breath-takingly beautiful. In comparison men are in plain cotton shirts and often collars are frayed, with non-matching sad old serge trousers having seen better days. Wedding season is dry season Oct-May and the best (only?) way for young people to play and meet people; think of the discos of a 70’s/80s teenage period but with many Cambodian parents as chaperones!
In Cambodia the wedding attended by partygoers is actually the end of the all rituals and the couple have technically been married a few days by now. The day has been full of rituals and then at 5.30pm guests are invited. People dine and then its quite okay and acceptable to leave immediately. Strict registers are kept, of cash amounts given by guests and in return, a meal and music is provided.
For those who want to, meals can be timed to be a little later, say 7pm and then stay on for the couple to appear near the eating area. They walk to the centre and do a number of western style rituals such as toast each other however also bow heads while a Buddhist piece of music is played. The tiered cake is cut and photos taken. The quality and aesthetics of the cake seem to be irrelevant; it’s the having the western style cake they see on a movie that seems to be significant.
Meanwhile the couple look exhausted and fragile and incredibly uncomfortable. One or both will have thick white make-up (this is the Asian continent aspiring to be white skinned) and be flanked by family representatives looking equally unhappy. Even a first dance tradition has now been added to the event with then everyone joining them on the dance floor at a suitable moment; the dance is a traditional Khmer style slow step with no touching of a partner
Its all over by 8ish and then some more ‘pop’ style music is played. Drinkers stay to drink. Dancers dance. 80% of people all leave. 9pm is late for a typical wedding departure.
All the fuss and bother and drinking crammed into a few hours and lots of money spent on a ceremony that is either a proud modern Cambodia taking its place in the world or a sad aspect of losing local culture and aspiring to status from 
rituals beyond their own capacity to pay.
I feel so “bah humbug” as I wrote in negative way. I not a scrooge (mostly!) and yet these weddings get me going with complaints! I just want to scrub out the English words on that wedding cake and demand that some sort of Khmer food ritual is used instead of a poor imitation of a western wedding cake.
If not yet seen photos of me in Khmer wedding outfit of bows and pink curls see: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=1371&l=e494c&id=1071994594
rituals beyond their own capacity to pay.
